Power of Hypnosis in Action

Todays’ blog was written by one of my clients.  Her testimonial is so eloquent that I have only changed names to protect the guilty and left everything else just as she wrote it.

If you are a victim of propaganda such as “scientifically/medically proven,” “guaranteed or your money back” or “30 day trial” – KEEP READING. I am a non-smoker because of Tolley’s hypnotherapy. I have never felt better…allow me to take you on my journey.

These are notes from my journal:

My sessions…

  • First: So the only skepticism that I had was that I was going to screw this up…That I was not going to follow the guidelines or that I wasn’t going to “go under” and this whole thing was going to waste Tolley’s time and mine. I got there and we did a personal inventory of my smoking history…All I wanted was a cigarette…I kept thinking in the back of my head “as soon as we’re done, I’m going to have a cigarette” and “I wonder if she would be offended if I ask to smoke before we start.” Well fast forward to the hypnosis…I was aware of her, my comfort, my surroundings…but I didn’t seem to care…I was completely in control of my body, Tolley let me know that this would be the case – so I felt even more comfortable. After this incredible journey, I woke up smiling and happy…I was calm yet energetic (so calm of the mind and energetic of the body) I was just damn happy! I had a family situation to deal with that day (what isn’t a better reason to smoke) and I felt like my objectives were clear, my decisions and all of my actions…it was the best drug. The only side effect was that I was thirsty…
    • For the week, I smoked maybe 5 or so cigarettes, I felt totally gross after each and every one…Like I had a headache and felt just blah, I also felt dirty.
  • Second: The next session I was so excited to see Tolley. After the session, I was thirsty again and oh so happy…I skipped around and did chores, all with a smile on my face…I wanted to help people and was able to deal with the woes of a pre-teen step daughter, an elderly grandmother, three jobs, and the world…WITHOUT cigarettes.
    • That week I smoked a drag off of one cigarette – it was kind of strange – I just pulled out a cigarette (I still had three or so left over from the first session) and lit it. The second I realized what I did, I threw out the cigarette.
  • The third session I was completely smoke free. I didn’t have the urge to smoke, but I felt like I still needed someone to make sure that I didn’t fall off of a ledge that could potentially show up…Like I didn’t need to smoke, but I was so scared that there would be a day in the near future that would make me want to say “oh to hell with it, it’s just one.” After that relaxing session where I was deeper than ever before, I was better than ever. I saw a movie with a smoking friend and while she smoked, I stood by and it felt like I had never started: like I had been a non-smoker for years instead of just weeks…or like I had never picked up the habit and had no curiosity about it…Free
    • It’s funny, I remember all of the memories where I had a cigarette, but I have to really think in order to remember the cigarettes. The motions that were once like second nature, seem so alien to me…it’s strange to find lighters in my bag, get coupons in the mail or realize that I had a brand that I smoked…it just doesn’t seem like it ever happened.
  • The last session that I saw Tolley, I felt like I could completely let go and give it all up to her…when I left her last session, I have not reverted back to any part of my bad habit. I have had coffee and beer and not a once felt the need to smoke…even after a huge meal or anything, ANYTHING that would have spiked my craving in the past.

I am in the process of buying a house, I have three jobs, I have a step-daughter who is 12 who struggles with anxiety and in school, I have an elderly, forgetful and stubborn grandmother that I care for – my life isn’t easy – with all of this, I still haven’t smoked, when things get tough, I take my deep breaths, drink a cool glass of water and my strength refills.

stay happy

I will add only one thing to Melonie’s journey – when I suggested hypnosis to be smoke free she was interested in freeing herself from the habit but she didn’t want to quit.  That is an important point because many people think you have to want to quit or be motivated to quit for hypnosis to work.  In fact, hypnosis and your unconscious mind can provide the desire and motivation for you.  Don’t worry, be happy!


Why we Eat What we Eat (a demonstration of the art of hypnosis)

Why would a dog eat this many rocks?

Why would a dog eat this many rocks?

Not long ago a silly news story was posted on the internet about a dog who ate a bunch of rocks at the beach.  The dog, a chocolate lab named Barney, had never been to the beach before.  While at the shore on holiday with his humans, Barney consumed a big ‘ol bunch of stones.  His folks noticed the next day that he was feeling poorly and also had rumbling, grinding sounds coming from his gut.  so, they took Barney to the vet and x-rays revealed Barney’s secret vacation indulgence.  The vet not only did surgery to remove the stones (though the x-ray looks like Barney’s system was doing a pretty fair job moving them out the regular pathway) but also had to do some dental repairs.  That’s right, Barney Rubble, as he was dubbed, broke some teeth eating the stones…but kept on eating.

This news got my mind rumbling.  Why would a dog eat rocks?  Why would he eat so many that it hurt?  I reasoned that the stones were probably about the size and shape of dog kibble and they probably had a nice salty, seafood flavor since they were beach rubble.  Sure, that’s the ticket!   But then I found these other x-rays of dog’s dinners:

Biting the spoon that feeds you

Ducky dinner

Ducky dinner



This new evidence kind of blew my logical theory out of the water and off the beach.  Dogs are pretty smart animals.  Dog intelligence is supposed to be right on up there with horses and dolphins (which, incidentally I have met some dolphins who are smarter than some people I know…but I digress)  Why are such smart animals consuming masses of indigestible material?  Oh sure, humans, especially little humans, will chew lots of objects for fun and occasionally swallow a few.  And we can probably forgive the fist dog.  That spoon may have been delivering such delicious morsels that he wolfed down the spoon with the treat.  But these others show dogs who clearly spent dedicated time chewing, swallowing and going back to eat some more…. and still more.  What’s up with THAT??

Then I gave some serious thought to the things that we, as humans, the “thinking” animal consume in mass quantities, knowingly and apparently without remorse.  Some of these non-food items do us serious damage.  Some damage our teeth.  And, yet, back we go for more.  I’m speaking here of things like Oreo cookies, solid vegetable shortening, and margarine, just to name a few.

I once had a client claim that his personal trainer told him he could have six-pack abs but he would have to give up Oreo cookies.  So he gave up on the washboard abs.   Another struggled with his eating habits because there were Oreo’s in the house “for the kids”  “Thank you.” I told him.  “I appreciate the job security, really I do.  But wouldn’t you rather let your kids grow up healthy than keep weight loss professionals in business?”  Apparently he had not thought of it like that. (See ‘dolphin’ comment above)

Oreo’s are NOT EVEN tasty, my friends!  That “cream filling” in the middle?  Its nothing but Crisco and powdered sugar.  We used to use that in cake decorating class for practice frosting. On cardboard.  That we then pitched in the garbage.  Chocolate wafers? Its the color (and approximate flavor) of asphalt.  Its not chocolate AT ALL. Why do people even eat a second bite?  Why would you let your kids near that stuff?  Let alone the kind of out-of-control addiction that I see in the office?

What about Crisco and margarine? Did you know some experiments were done in which they put butter and margarine in an incubator with bacteria?  The butter was quickly decomposed but the bacteria couldn’t digest the margarine.  Its not food. Did you know in Med school we used Crisco to lube the speculum for rectal exams and colonics (therapeutic enemas) because it does not even melt at body temperature.  Another name for Crisco is hydrolyzed vegetable oil, or unsaturated fat.  Check the contents of your packaged food to see how much of that you’re ingesting.*

I say “ingesting” because you’re NOT digesting it.  It is inedible material, like Styrofoam chips, or rocks.  In fact the bulk of hydrolyzed vegetable oil which makes up the bulk of packaged “foods” on your grocers shelves is actually a polymer similar to plastics.  That right, our “highest life form”, our “thinking animal” is consuming mass quantities of plastics because some clever advertisers called it “food”.  Oh, and now studies are beginning to show that eating this high grade plastic stuff is bad for our health!  Amazing discovery! Higher order thinking at its finest!

I think the problem is this:  The body has certain needs for nutrition and calories.  When we are not getting the nutrients our bodies require our bodies send signals in the form of HUNGER or THIRST or CRAVINGS.  But sometimes those signals get crossed.  Sometimes we’re busy.  Sometimes we don’t pay attention until the signals are so loud that we just shove ANYTHING in our mouths to make it go away.

That problem is made worse for humans because of advertising.  Advertising IS hypnosis, Friend.  Advertisers use the same techniques I do to get you to buy and consume rocks and rubber ducks and other cheap things that make them money.  But YOU can win at that game!  YOU can advertise fresh healthy foods to your own mind.  Imagine the produce department of your grocer. Close your eyes and turn up the colors on the fruits and vegetables.  Imagine the smells of fresh tomatoes warmed by the sun.  Grapes and strawberries fresh picked and juicy.  Cantaloupe, pineapple, peppers, broccoli fresh and rich with nutrients your body craves! Now play some sexy seductive background music. That’s right!  Feel the good!

Now go to the pre-packaged over-processed non-food section of the store. Think of dogs with broken teeth and rocks in their bellies.  Think of plastic packing materials in a bowl.  Think of a hydrolyzed vegetable oil enema!  That’s right!  Imagine the smell!  Imagine the taste!  Now, drain all the color out of that packaging in your mind.  Make all those foods black and white in your minds eye.  Black and white and swimming in broken toothed dog enemas.  Now add a sound track – from a horror movie! Cause that’s what you’re paying your hard earned money for.

That should keep the signals straight!  Happy eating!

It could happen!

*Please see comments and links below.

Let’s Talk About Exercise

When clients start my hypnosis for Weight Loss program – a 6 week program including hypnotherapy, education, supplements and recordings to use at home, most of them tell me they know all about exercise. They have a type of exercise they want to do, they know when they need to do it and how, they know all about that. They know, know, know. When I ask if they are exercising daily the answer is also no.



So what’s happening there? I can tell you what. Knowing is something we do with our conscious mind. We need to get our of our heads and into our unconscious to make this work FOR YOU. The bottom line is you should NOT be working at exercise; it should be working FOR YOU.

Imagine you’re sleeping deeply in your bunk. Suddenly the air is pierced by a shrill whistle. The drill sergeant begins shouting. Its time for P.T. You are on your feet and in your uniform in seconds. Your boots and pack are on and you are running. Are you running because its good for maintaining your weight? Are you doing it because you want to keep fit and avoid heart attacks and degenerative diseases? Are you thinking of how to get to your optimum heart rate for your age and body mass? Are you breathing correctly, timing your run, hydrating before you need it? NO! You are on auto-drive. Your eyes are hardly even open and who knows how you managed to get your boots on right because you are not fully awake yet.

Best Warrior 2-mile run

Best Warrior 2-mile run

Imagine you are on the plains in Africa. You are stalking your prey with your friends. Out of nowhere a sabre tooth tiger leaps from the underbrush. You take off! You run full out like the wind. You duck, you dive, you climb, you scamper. Are you calculating your average speed? Are you thinking about how good the endorphin release will make you feel? Are you pacing yourself, watching your heart rate, monitoring your blood pressure? No, No, No! You are NOT thinking! You are running for all you’re worth. If you notice anything at all it is on a subconscious level.



That’s what I’m talking about: Unconscious automatic exercise! What if you could wake each day craving exercise the way you crave a cup of coffee or a trip to the toilet? What if the drill sergeant or the sabre tooth tiger were in your own mind driving you and all you had to do was ACT, move, get it in gear and get outta here?

Well, ok, what if it wasn’t quite that demanding? What if it was just automatic upon awakening, you woke up, got out of bed and did a few crunches? What if you did a pull up every time you passed a certain doorway? What if every morning, rain or shine you skipped rope for 10 minutes? What if you took a brisk walk everyday on your lunch hour? And maybe that walk helped you rev up your appetite so you enjoyed your food more? Or what if you craved a quick trip to the gym everyday to unwind and you didn’t let anything get in your way?

See, what if you didn’t have to think about it or know what you were doing? What if you didn’t have to try, you just did it? Then if knowing and thinking didn’t matter you might be eager to hear about exercising any chance you get. In fact, you might be interested to know that exercise you do first thing in the morning burns more fat because you’ve used up all the carbs from your last meal. Your body has to dip into the fat storage to fuel your activity. Or that 10 minutes of exercise a few times per day is actually better at keeping you trim and fit and its less stressful for your body.

You may also be interested to hear that a little daily exercise is essential for keeping your mind sharp in your later years. The mind and the body are made to work together. So using your mind to get your body in shape just makes sense. But its not an intellectual thing. Its automatic, unconscious. Your unconscious mind controls most of your body’s activities anyway, like digesting, breathing, healing. Doesn’t it make sense that your unconscious would be your body’s best personal trainer?

I once read that when asked how he managed to write so many books, Stephen King said he had a deep gravely voice in his head that comes up behind him when he’s fiddling around and shouts, “GET TO WORK!!!” Something about what he said stuck with me and now every Monday morning King’s monster voice wakes me up and drives me relentlessly till Wednesday with that same statement. I can’t get it out of my head. I’m productive from morning to night.



Why don’t we get your old drill sergeant, or your gym coach in your head to wake you up each morning to the tune of reveille? You don’t have to worry your pretty little head about when, where, how, or how much at all. You’d just have to…GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT OF BED, MAGGOT! YOU’VE GOT 5 SECONDS TO HIT THE FLOOR AND GIVE ME TEN. YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE DEAD! PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY! IN YOUR SHOES AND OUT THE DOOR AND GO, GO, GO, GO!!

personal motivation

personal motivation

Hypnosis and Parenting

I am a parent. I’ve spent 13 years teaching school, which is also a form of parenting. I also have parents and some of my best friends are parents. When I was pregnant with my first daughter I read and studied every book in the library and most of those in the book stores on parenting. The qualifications to be a parent are pretty minimal, yet the impact of a job well done is immeasurably huge and profound. The one thing that I can definitively say that I have learned about parenting is that it is an on-the-job-training position. Essentially, no one actually doing the job knows what they are doing. We all learn as we go.

In short, the parents most likely to do the job right are the ones eager, anxious and even desperate to do their best while confident that they will fail and fall short of that mark. I might also add that anyone who thinks they know how to parent is probably doing a poor job at best, or providing job security for therapists, social workers, and prison guards at worst. So if you are a parent and are presently feeling fretful, worried, or uneasy, give yourself a pat on the back! You’re doing everything just right!

Living In Their Subconscious

Of everything I read and studied on parenting I would say the most helpful information came from my studies of hypnosis and understanding the subconscious/unconscious mind*. This is primarily because children live in a hypnotic trance until about the age of 6 or 7 years (and only leave this trance-like state gradually). You see, the barrier between the conscious and unconscious mind does not form until about that age. Up until then you can think of your kids as being in a walking trance and everything you say literally or symbolically is getting buried deep in their unconscious to haunt them for the rest of their lives. (If you weren’t a worried and fretful parent before, that information should make you one now. So, go ahead and give yourself a pat. You’re doing it right now!)

This is actually a good thing because that mental structure allows kids to absorb massive amounts of information at amazing rates. Then most of that learning becomes unconscious “software” that runs automatically for the rest of their lives. For example, kids have to learn all the norms of their particular culture and then never think about it but automatically behave accordingly. They learn the structure and subtleties of their home language(s) and then it becomes easy. If you’ve ever tried to learn a second or third language in high school (or older) you don’t need me to tell you how hard it can be. But mere babies do all that and make it look easy!

They learn to walk, talk, behave, and clean. Kids are not born knowing what a “clean” room or house looks like. They have to see the example many times to know what is “clean” and what is “dirty” in the adult eyes. Just think, there are kids born every day in places where they have dirt floors. How could that kid know when the floor is clean? That’s right. We need to show them over and over till its hard wired into their minds. (By my reckoning, and that of my friends with teen kids this happens somewhere in the 30’s)

That same mechanism for learning rapidly and well can be a bad thing if say, a person learns as a kid to clean his plate. That same person becomes an adult and sits down to restaurant meals that have portions 4x bigger than what an adult needs – but that plate still gets cleaned. (And that backside get’s bigger!) That mechanism take a tragic turn when a kid is raised by parents who inflict violence on him when the parent is stressed out instead of venting his anger appropriately. Then violence against others, rather than self control can become a way of life for even the best intentioned adult.

No No

No No

What is it about “No” that you don’t understand?

To use this information about kids you need to understand a bit about how the unconscious responds. One of the most important things to know is that the unconscious does not register the word “no” or “don’t” or “not”. Its as if all negatives and negators are like the null set. You can see this fact at work when you tell a toddler “Don’t touch the glass vase!” Only his brain hears, “Touch the glass vase!” and he goes to it like a magnet. He’s not trying to be difficult. His brain just doesn’t hear what you’re saying.

Say what you mean, mean what you say

To get the action you want from kids you need to change the words you use. You need to say exactly what action you want and stop wasting time telling them what you don’t want. That’s not an easy change for for adults to make. It is a whole lot easier to change your words than to change a child’s behavior with words he cannot understand, though! Here’s a few examples: Instead of saying, “Don’t run in the halls!” try, “Walk quietly in the halls.” Instead of “No fighting!” try, “Use you’re words to negotiate.”

Its especially difficult to weed out common but nonsensical “parent-isms like, “How many times have I told you..blah blah blah.” Because, what are you trying to say? You’re asking a kid to count up the number of times you’ve made a statement that is inaudible to his brain. You know the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Come on, my friend, let’s step out of the “coo-coo parent” role for a minute. I know its fun. I know its a role you enjoyed seeing the parent figures in your life occupy. And its comfortable and familiar because they said that same thing countless times, right? Right? But unless you really ARE crazy, why would you keep saying something that doesn’t get results?

That was a rhetorical question; don’t answer it. There is no good reason. You were simply conditioned to do it. So let’s now resolve to avoid repeating ANYTHING that didn’t produce results the first time it was said. They cannot hear you, that’s why. If our statements to kids don’t get results lets rephrase the statement. Let’s make sure the statement has no null sets, no negatives to confuse the developing brain. Let’s frame a clear concise statement that directs that brain to action!

(Ever wonder why toddlers get hold of the word “NO!” and won’t let it go? Its because its a hilarious joke! Its totally ironic. A word that means absolutely nothing, and yet rarely fails to get a reaction from adults. NO!” You jump, startled! “NO!” “Don’t you say that to me!””NO!” A furrowed brow. “NO!” “Stop that right now!” <Another hilarious word! Stop> “NO!” And a merry chase begins.)

I’m laughing and you’re not. Oh, I see, I’ve confused you by telling you too much about what NOT to do without giving you clear directed statements about the proper action to take. I’m going to teach by example, that’s always more effective anyway. So, on the left are some common but confusing “parent-isms” on the right are examples of clear, action-getting statements that capture the average parent’s real meaning.

“Stop screaming!” = Play quietly.

“Don’t play ball in the house!” = Play ball outside.

“What did I say?”=  I need you to obey me.

“Did you break this lamp?” = I think you broke this lamp.

“Don’t jump on the bed; you’ll fall off and break your neck.” =  I’m afraid you’ll get hurt doing that.  Jump rope instead.

“You’ll put your eye out with that thing!” = That’s too dangerous to play with.  Find something blunt.

You'll put your eye out!

You’ll put your eye out!

“What are you doing?!” = Please don’t do that. Do this…

“What do you think you’re doing?!” = Please don’t do that. Do this…

“Stop all that racket!” = Play quietly

“I’m not made of money!” = We’ll have to save up for that. How much money do you have?

“I am going to kill you!” = That makes me really angry.

“Don’t walk on the floor I just mopped it.” = Walk on the ceiling.

on the celing

There, you get the idea now. Say what you mean. The best test of whether you have said it right is if you get the action you wanted. Its not easy. Its especially difficult in the adult world where direct questions and commands are often seen as rude. But we’re talking to children here. With good training, a few more years and a bit of luck they will be just as convoluted, passive-aggressive and confusing as we are. So there’s that to look forward to!

baby proof nice things

baby proof nice things

Baby elephant Training

Now, let’s get back to that glass vase. How are you ever going to keep your nice things from breaking if you can’t tell your kid NOT to touch it? The answer is what I like to call “Baby Elephant training”. In India when they domesticate baby elephants, they begin by attaching one of its legs to a tent stake with a rope. The baby elephant tries and tries to pull the stake out and run but it cannot. Eventually the little elephant learns that stakes cannot be pulled out of the ground. Then when the elephant is full grown and several tons of muscle and force it no longer tries to pull the stake out. It knows that the stake will not come out!

After much experimentation, I recommend the “Baby Elephant” method of child rearing. Let’s face it, you have a small window of opportunity during which you are stronger, faster, and more clever than your child. Very small. I say take advantage of that window and the rest of your 17-30 years of parenting will be much easier.

While your child is very small and mostly non-ambulatory tell her, “Don’t touch!” a few times. Immediately after the words leave your mouth remove the object completely from the child’s reach. Put that glass vase high up on a shelf in the back of the closet. If you do that a few times with the baby she will learn that when YOU say mysterious meaningless words it does mean something! Everything YOU tell her always sticks!

I recommend taking the baby or toddler to the home of a friend or relative who won’t bother to “baby-proof” her house when you say you are coming. That way you will have lots and lots of opportunities to repeat your “magic words” and reproduce the instant disappearance of the forbidden object. You will also decrease your personal loss when you occasionally miss an opportunity to reinforce the lesson!

If you can practice this consistently, say, once a week for the first 6-36 months of life (or until your run out of friends, relatives, and unsuspecting strangers willing to have you over) you will have produced a child who believes you are a powerful magician who can make things happen with just a few words of magical meaningless mumbo-jumbo. From then on teachers, friends (the new ones you make after your kids 3rd birthday), and random strangers will be amazed that such an obedient child was born to such a lazy do-nothing parent as you. More importantly, your child will love, honor and adore you because you will never have to spank, shame, or scold the child for misbehaving. You will simply say your magic words. Right up until the child enters high school.

Never argue with a Kid

Which brings me to the the final piece of really useful parenting advice from hypnotherapy: never argue with a kid. In fact, its a good idea never to argue with anyone. This is because taking one side of an argument compels any listener to take an opposing view, and to defend it! Not only that but most people know that starting an argument is an excellent way to keep from getting work done and it has the added advantage of keeping your opponent from working either! Try it with a spouse who is threatening divorce. Some people I know have stayed married for years just to avoid letting their spouse have the last word.

No one EVER wins an argument

No one EVER wins an argument

So if you let yourself get drawn into an argument with your kid – the kid has ALREADY won! That’s right! Parenting is a game you play with your kids, but it is a game you must win for the sake of the kid’s happiness. They want their parents to be winners! This is a real challenge because no one can can argue as well as a kid. Do not argue with any child. You will lose and the kid will hate you for being a loser.

There are several hypnosis techniques to keep arguments from happening. They are grouped under a heading I call “slight of mouth”. Its like slight of hand only you do it with words. Done right, slight of mouth allows you to say inflammatory things without being opposed. One type of “slight of mouth” is the switch back. Let’s say you believe in socialized medicine. You start in one direction, “Now I certainly don’t agree with Obamacare, “ Then end up in the other direction, “But don’t they have a great health care system in the UK?” No one argues with you because they hardly know what you’ve said.

Another “slight of mouth” technique is to put words in your opponent’s mouth. Sometimes I use this when I want my guests to leave. I say to my co-host, “Honey, these good people need their sleep. Don’t start another long story now.” Or if I’m uncomfortable asking for money I might say, “Oh, goodness! I haven’t given you the chance to pay me, have I?” Or when cutting a conversation short I avoid leaving my friend feeling rushed or rejected by saying, “Well, I better let you go. I know how busy you are.”

One other technique is to “close off the path to “no”. Salesmen are great at this. Rather than ask a question to which “no” is the obvious answer a good salesman will ask, “Would you like me to bag that or wrap it for you?” or “Will you be using your Visa or our convenient payment plan?” You can modify this for your home use by asking, “Would you prefer green beans or broccoli with your supper?” “Would you like to clean the toilets or the sinks?” “Do you want me to help you with your homework now or would you rather I just let you do it?” It’s important that kids have choices so they feel a sense of control over their own lives and also get practice making good decisions for themselves.

Here are a few other handy uses of slight of mouth for kids:

1.“I know you want your hair cut in one of the new styles, but honestly I like the natural look you have.” (a.k.a.: Get a haircut)

2. “I think teens should devote their summers to enrichment classes. This idea of working and having spending money is just too much freedom for a kid.” (a.k.a. Get a job)

3. “Really? Well, I’d better meet your friends’ parents then and find out what they know that I don’t.” (In response to “All my friends parents said ‘Yes’.”)

4. “How’s that working out for you?” (In response to any declaration of personal policy from not doing homework to staying up on a school night to dating a jerk.)

5. “Oh, wonderful! I’ve always wanted to have a live-in maid and cook. I’m sure if I pay the taxes on your room, board, and laundry privileges that will be equal to minimum wage.” (In response to a kid who decides he’s not going to college or moving out and getting a job.)

6. A great way to get your kid to move away to a boarding college is to suggest. “If you enroll in a local college you can live at home and save us money on room and board!”   another is to lovingly pet his hair and say, “Oh, I hope you will never move away from home, I would miss your company so!”

Moving on is good for kids

Moving on is good for kids

Avoiding Arguments Kids Start

Of course kids are excellent at starting arguments without you. You can still avoid the argument and win if your skills of empathy are sharp. The kid says, “I hate going to family functions!” and you respond, “Oh, I know just how you feel. Here’s your coat.” Kid says, “My teacher is stupid, that’s why she failed me.” You say, “Boy, that must be frustrating. Let’s see if I can help.” Kid says, “I hate you!” you say, “You have that right. But since we’re living in the same house we may as well get along.”

One of my favorite ways to avoid argument is to act frustrated and say, “Ok, ok, you’re right and I’m wrong!” No one can argue with that, especially when its true. When all else fails I engage something I call “Fighting with my Back”. I always do my best fighting with my back. I give myself a time out.

Whoever invented the “time out” was brilliant! Only somehow we thought the practice was to apply this privilege to naughty kids. The best use of the “time out” is to allow a frazzled parent a little break to recover his/her sanity. After all, how could you ever get a kid to sit quietly in a corner if you cannot get him to behave in the first place? Whereas the parent will willingly and gratefully take a few moments break.

So as soon as your children are old enough to be left on their own for 1-5 minutes (experts recommend using the number of minutes corresponding to the child’s age) you should begin using the “time out” discipline technique. Whenever you are nearing a breaking point and before you have to raise your voice, simply declare, “That’s enough! Mommy needs a time out. I’m going to my room for 2 full minutes and no one is to bother me till I come out.” And then off you go immediately. Lie down, close your eyes, play soft music, and imagine a happy place far, far away.

As your children get older you can use this technique to get 5-10 minutes of precious reprieve. Then you can text or email a friend (one who will empathize when you tell her how awful your 5-10year old kids are), thumb through a magazine, jog around the block, or nibble on your secret child-proof stash of chocolate. This is your time, make the most of it.

The “time out” works wonders as a discipline technique primarily because your children will miss your attention and want you back. See, children are born pre-programed to love and prefer their parent’s attention. Even the poor children of horrible abusive parents desperately want their parents’ love and attention. Bad children are “bad” precisely because negative attention from parents is better than no attention at all. So when you disengage and take your attention away, your children will feel punished. (So long as you are not negligent on a regular basis) They will reflect on their own behavior and learn new ways to act that do not drive you away.

Of course, Time Out also works because you, the parent get to de-stress and regain control of yourself. In any event, once you know how to invoke the Time Out, your children need never win again. As soon as you find yourself being drawn into an argument and your slight-of-mouth techniques are not distracting your child from his goal, you can simply declare, “Look, I’ve had enough of this.” You walk away and keep to yourself until you’ve thought of new creative ways to keep from arguing with a kid.  I find these techniques work wonders with child like adults as well!

Time Out

Time Out

*Unconscious vs Subconscious – though I am using them almost interchangably here, there is a difference between the SUBconscious and the UNconscious mind.  The subconscious is that part of the mind works like auto-pilot doing things of which you are only vaguely aware.  When we are first learning a complex opperation like driving a car, brushing our teeth, showering or talking we do it consciously.  But soon it becomes subconscious and automatic.  Then we are able to listen to the radio, talk on the phone, and eat a sandwich while still operating heavy machinery like an automobile. We are able to shower, shave, brush and even dress in the mornings all before having our coffee.  These complex operations have become subconscious. They only become conscious again when something goes wrong, like a shaving cut or another car merging suddenly into your lane.
Other things are run by the unconscious mind.  These are things that we do without even knowing how to do them.  Things like breathing, digesting our food, sneezing or blinking the eyes are under unconscious control.  Our conscious mind can affect these processes but they are run and controlled by the unconscious.  They can continue even when the conscious mind is asleep or deep in a coma.  The important thing to remember is that whether conscious, subconscious or unconscious it is all one mind and it is yours.  Some things just work better when we don’t have to think so much about them.

Amazing Healing

Recently I have had a lot of of call for and success with my Shamanic Healing.  I would like to make this therapy available to more folks so they can get solutions and resolutions as well.   I will have to explain what shamanic healing is in a way that you can understand and that’s a bit challenging.  The explanation of this amazing and powerful therapy has been so challenging to me in the past that I have simply not marketed it but let it build a following by recommendations and word-of-mouth.  I think it is time for me to rise to that challenge because people are growing increasingly dissatisfied with the state of health care in the US and looking for something that really works.  So let me start by saying, “YES! It works!”

See, Shamanic Healing is a very different form of healing.  I’ve said that same thing about homeopathy (which is also great medicine that contains NO DRUGS and has NO SIDE EFFECTS!) because its hard to explain exactly what it is because it involves a whole different school of thought…and entirely different paradigm, or way of thinking.  There are actually several very effective forms of medicine like that.  Just to give you another example let me say that in the world of acupuncture and oriental medicine there is no anatomical recognition of the nervous system. Yet this is a highly evolved and effective system of medicine that has been around much much longer than western medicine and is still around. And it is still quite effective.

Homeopathy works!

Homeopathy works too!

So shamanic healing is like that.  It is, as it happens, the oldest and (in my opinion) most effective form of medicine.  Shamanic healing is the reason my logo says, “nothing is incurable”.  It is simply true.  So here is my best explanation so far of what I do during a shamanic session.  First I get my client on the massage table, fully clothed except for shoes. Then I begin by addressing the body silently and asking what seems to be the trouble.  Then I listen.  Then I look.  When I look into the body I am able to perceive the physical body inside as well as out, the emotional body, the spiritual body, mental body, and frankly many other bodies for which there are no names in our language.  I am able to see and then remove the original source of the problem. You see, physical medicine often declares certain conditions and diseases “incurable” when actually the physical manifestation is only the tip of the iceberg, as it were. If you are only able to treat the physical body and the original cause is in the emotional body, or some other then the symptoms will continue to crop up again and again. But if you actually remove the cause, the disease is gone for good.

Sometimes what I see within these many bodies is startling.  Many people who have come to me with severe depression have revealed that due to some sort of emotional blow they had shut their heart. The heart chakra is a powerful energy source.  Like a live nuclear reactor, the energy is so great it must be released.  So when a person shuts their heart, the intense energy often blows a hole out through their back.  To have an opening in one’s back is a dangerous position because the back is unprotected.  Things can get in.  Which is exactly what I find in people with such conditions, their bodies are often full of nasty foreign invasions.  I begin the treatment by completely removing the invasions and then healing the heart.

Many bodies

Many bodies

Please avoid shutting your heart no matter what pain you may suffer.  A pure open heart is a beautiful and powerful thing that can protect the whole body and spread happiness in the world.  Interestingly enough, dark chocolate is an herbal heart opener, and isn’t this just what we often crave after an emotional blow? Whatever it takes, please learn to forgive, to heal, and to refresh your emotional heart no matter what cruelty you encounter throughout life.  And how sad it is that so many small people view the generous and open-hearted as naive or foolish.  To be open hearted is a courageous choice that we make in the face of difficulty.  It is something to be proud of, admired.  Full open hearted people Unite! You have nothing to lose but your enemies, your pain, and your fear!!

heart of choc

When I listen to the body what I hear is often the “voice” of the organs of the body. Every organ, bone, and muscle of the body has a unique voice, a personality, and a spirit.  Sometimes disorders are caused simply by misunderstandings and miscommunication between different organs in a system. So, odd as it may sound to the Western ear, I have been able to solve issues that manifest as Crohn’s disease, IBS and other major health problems simply by holding what amounts to a family counseling session with the organs involved.  One of the first treatments I did was on a woman who had suffered a motorcycle accident that crushed her right femur.  When I listened to the organs involved, it turned out that they were frightened and upset by the invasion of the titanium rod meant to replace the crushed bone. The opposite leg was in mourning because it believed the right leg was dead and gone.  Once I explained that the rod was not meant as an assault on the leg but as a substitute for the femur the muscles began to work with the rod as if it were bone.  The blood vessels began to form a network around the rod.  The left leg stopped taking on so much of the burden and began to coordinate with the right.  Most importantly the patient completely lost her limp and began to heal and walk normally.

Unlike work that involves only the physical body I am not limited to treating symptoms.  Medical science does recognize that the human body is not a machine. MD’s know that the emotions, mental outlook, sexuality, all have impacts on our physical health.  Yet they have no way to really address the causes of disease outside the physical body.  Only shamanic healing incorporates all these areas of the self and directly removes non-physical causes. When the cause is resolved, the symptoms naturally resolve as well.  Funny, but the symptoms often resolve so naturally that clients will often forget they had any.  So my follow up appointments often sound like this:

Me: So, have you noticed any changes since your last treatment?

Client: No.

Me: Well let’s see last time you were having trouble sleeping. Are you still having sleep issues?

Client: Oh, well no that hasn’t bothered me lately.

Me: Oh, good! When was the last time you remember having sleep problems.

Client: I guess about a month ago.

Me: Ah, and four weeks ago today we did your first treatment, right?

Client: Yes, that’s right.

Me: So I see in your chart you were also having terrible headaches almost every day. Do you still have those?

Client: No, I haven’t had them for awhile.

Me: When was the last time you remember having one?

Client: I guess it was about 4 weeks ago.

Me: Great! And your cholesterol was high. Have you had it checked lately?

Client: As a matter of fact I just had it checked last week and its right within the normal range.

….And so it goes….

I don’t mind that people take some convincing that they once complained of terrible symptoms.  The results are so natural and the healing so normal that the changes may go unnoticed at first.  You simply return to your normal healthy self.  It is your own body that heals itself, just as it usually does.  I simply remove the obstacles to that healing process.  I am so amazed by the results of this therapy that I can hardly blame people when they don’t quite see it at first.

Sometimes I am very pleasantly surprised when a client recognizes the changes immediately.  David was such a client.  He came for a weight loss program but mentioned that much of the weight had been gained after a back injury that left him in too much pain to exercise normally.  In fact, he had ended up losing his job, his home, and his wife as a result.  I offered to take a look at his back before we began the hypnosis and he was open to the idea.  The next day David sent me excited text messages first thing in the morning. “I caught myself bending over to put on my shoes! I haven’t done that in eight years!”  But even then, I didn’t realize the full impact of David’s success until I asked him to write to a potential client who was considering shamanic treatment but skeptical.  Here is what he wrote:

I have been pretty much debilitated with lower back pain due to a bulging disc in my L5 and degenerative disc disease in both of my L1, & L5. It has progressively gotten worse since my original injury in the late 80’s. I had not been able to work since 2008 and have been turned down by disability twice, MCV looked at my back and said I was borderline of it being a necessity or not for surgery. I had pretty much given up on ever having a normal routine. I have a 12 year old son that I have not been able to be active with like I would love to.
When I went to see Tolley I told her everything that was ailing me. She said she could fix my back. I was like thinking yeah right. Lol well I gave her my complete trust in her hoping she would be right. I wanted this pain gone. After the Shamanic healing she did on me I was amazed at how I was feeling. It was at that very second I was a true believer. I felt like a different person. I was happier and I had a lighter feeling in what used to be a labored walk. As the week went on I was still waiting for my back to go out. It never did. It was about 2 weeks when I hit a low point in my life that I started feeling some pain again. I went back to her and I have been pain free ever since. That has been 2 months ago.
So to answer your question ” Is it true she has helped me with my pain? ” YES!!!!!!!
 -David Sowell
Well, I was once again blown away! David had not mentioned to me all the treatments and documentation of his condition.  I told David, like I tell many clients, to wait 6 months to 1 year for the “dust to settle”, in other words for all the healing to take place, then go for some x-rays and tests to document the changes in his back.
Many things were said to malign Shamanic Healing in the 40’s and 50’s when it was discovered by anthropologists.  It was found to be the only healing practice common to all indigenous peoples the world over.  One of the most common claims against it was that it worked only because those gullible native peoples “believed” in the power of the Shaman.  Well, I can tell you that most of my clients do not believe in any form of magic or VooDoo.  Most have never heard of Shamanic Healing.  Far from being believers, most are highly skeptical.  What most of my clients have had in common is that they have tried many expensive medical therapies without results.  In short, most of my patients are desperate.  They are people in the midst of pain and suffering who are willing to try almost anything to get relief.  The other thing my patients have in common is that they do, in fact, get relief.
Now, I am NOT a medical doctor.  I neither diagnose nor treat disease.  I treat whole people.  I treat health.  As a matter of fact, I don’t really believe in “DISEASE”.  I believe in the body’s own amazing power to heal itself.  I believe in YOU!
I don’t ask you to believe in Shamanic Healing, nor any of the things I have just told you that don’t fit into the Standard Western Paradigm.  I would like to ask you to suspend disbelief long enough to try something “new” that’s really as old as life itself.  I would like to ask you to set aside your belief in the amazing power of “cancer” or “disease” or even “damage” to devastate and cripple your happy healthy life.  I would very much like to ask you to come and try something that costs less than your average co-pay and actually delivers results and I would love it if you would come before you reach a point of desperation.  But do what you must.
I’m going to offer the current Groupon special to clients for Shamanic healing.  That’s 3 sessions for $85, a savings of more than 40%.  Call or message me any time!