Marriage, Affairs, and what Really Works

There is a simple formula for forgiveness and it is understanding.  When we fully understand another person’s feelings, motivations and choices it is impossible NOT to forgive.  But until we truly understand, it is just as impossible to forgive.  People often delude themselves by pretending to forgive or forcing themselves to forgive, but it’s never real and there is always residual resentment that festers.

I have had the honor of helping many folks recover after an affair has rocked their relationship.  The healthiest couples always seek to understand the root causes and motivations of the affair for themselves or their partner.  Those are also the people who find ways to forgive and rebuild.  The sad truth, though, is that a number of people seem to have been conditioned to believe that they SHOULD NOT forgive or even understand.  They seem to be driven by sentiments like “What will my friends think?” or a paradigm that says “I DESERVE to be angry!  I DESERVE vengeance!”   I’m not sure where these paradigms come from or who exactly they think is cross-examining their private relations, but I know this sort of mindset only brings misery to everyone concerned.

If this has been part of your way of thinking, let me offer you advice I once got when I was new to psychic abilities and could ACTUALLY hear what people were thinking and saying about me:  What other people think of you is NONE of your business!  Once I made it my policy to remind myself of that truth, life genuinely got better.  There will always be naysayers.  There will always be yappy dogs along your path. But anyone who is more interested in talking about your life than living their own, really is NOT someone who’s opinion should concern you.  They are, in fact, admirers!


That said, I’d like to take the idea a little deeper.  It just seems to me that the Western world’s one-size-fits-all approach to marriage is not really fair to anyone.  If so many people have affairs and/or are hurt by affairs, maybe monogamy as defined by the State just doesn’t work.  I mean, does it really make sense to go into a legally binding contract for a lifelong relationship with someone WITHOUT negotiating terms?  Just because the government or a religion says “this is what you get, take it or leave it” why would we suppose that could ever lead to true happiness?

Now, I’ve always been a religious AND spiritual person, but this just seems absurd.  Why would any two adults let an organization define the terms of their most intimate, most important relationship?  And if we do so, why on earth would we suppose it would make…and KEEP us happy?  My point is NOT that we should eschew marriage.  My point is that marriage, its terms and expectations should be negotiated like the contract it is.


Would you sign any other sort of contract without reading and discussing its terms?  What about a contract that bound you into a LIFETIME commitment?  Don’t you think your attorney would advise you to look that thing over?  Review the terms?  Understand the definitions?  Even negotiate a point or two?

My contention is people should sit down, discuss and negotiate.  Otherwise one partner may be signing that contract thinking you are obliged to clean the house every day, make supper every night, agree to sex 3 times a week, pop out 3 babies and raise them in your spare time, all while keeping your girlish figure AND a smile on your face.  Meanwhile the other partner might sign thinking you are going to get a promotion every year, provide for retirement, wine, dine, and romance them at least once per week, take them on luxury vacations, happily change poopy diapers and listen while they vent about their hard day every time you get home from work.  Sound familiar?

Sure, some of those are old-fashioned ideas, but all of them are deeply entrenched in the cultural psyche and they hover in the back of our youthful dreams and fantasies when we think of marriage.  Know what else is dancing around back there?  Happily Ever After!  That’s right!  How are two people with such grand expectations going to achieve any happiness if they never discuss those expectations?  Leave alone EVER AFTER, puleez!

The real truth is, people all have quite different expectations of marriage and relationships.  Their families have expectations too.  And often extended family can be very persistent about getting THEIR expectations met!  After all, they don’t have to live with you, or fight with you before bedtime!  They can wreak their havoc and walk away because they have not signed a legally binding contract.

in laws

I think maybe, when we are mature enough to sit down and negotiate marriage line by line, value by value, we will truly be ready to live it.  I also think we will be mature enough, as a society, to discover that marriage is NOT just for one man and one woman.  I think we will soon discover that marriage is NOT just for gay couples, either.  I think we will discover that a marriage of 3 people, 4 people, or 5 people may actually work BETTER than two for a lot of folks.  We may discover that people only have affairs because forcing ourselves into a couple is NOT really what works for everyone.  As we relax and loosen up our definitions we will probably find something that works best for OURSELVES.  And we will probably find that that kind of happiness makes it much, much easier to let other people find what works best for THEMSELVES.  And wouldn’t it be nice if pursuing our own happiness ALSO meant letting other folks do the same?


The Game FAQ

Here to go along with the Timelines Game (click this link: The Game ) are some Q&A from gamers.  Feel free to post or email/message/text me with any questions of your own day or night.

1) Firstly:  YES, The Game is real.  You are NOT going mad.  You can play the game in your sleep but at some level you will become conscious of your gaming.  If it rocks your world, please reach out!  I am very familiar with the flexible reality/time you may experience and can help you find grounding.     (, )

two realities

2) How can I reconcile the two realities?
Part of the work of timelines is to experiment with possible solutions. So once you find some strategies that work out well they get woven in to Real Time…the tricky thing is that they can be woven into past present or future. I’m actually discovering that the wise voice that pulled me thru difficult times in my past was ME now(!), going back to me of the past and whispering the encouragement or reassurance or insight that I needed then. That’s a bit mind-blowing. But also very comforting.
So that’s me taking your question “reconcile” literally.
3) If you mean, how to keep myself from losing touch with THIS reality?
I’d say, write yourself notes, post-its on your mirror or texts to self on your cell. Telling others (like me) also helps. Shoot! just hearing yourself say it out loud helps you pick good sense out of the confusion. But be sure NOT to write down or tell too many folks bits that don’t work out for the best. Other people acknowledging your experiences also anchors it in their timeline, their reality…and makes it harder to eliminate from Real Time.
Example: I actually found a major cause for Hitler’s genocide in WWII and could have eliminated it. But since so many people remember & it’s recorded in history, it can’t be changed much. Imagine my disappointment and frustration?
So, mostly tell the parts you want to keep, those moves that produce good results without hurting others. You can tell me anything because I’m used to the reality-time shifts.
Angels, guides, team

Angels, guides, team

4) Do you believe in asking spirit guides, angels, etc for help? 
Yes, I do it all the time. They are real people too.  BUT please keep in mind that YOU (humans) are the most powerful of all such beings. Everyone needs friends and team for sure. Just be careful not to slip into worship or reaching outside yourself believing others are more capable. They are friends & equals who are not as bounded by time as humans. But they are just as capable of being wrong, jealous, mischievous or even evil…just as other humans are. Rely on YOUR OWN judgment and check things for accuracy. 
5) What are your thoughts on how free will plays into our paths we are walking?
Excellent question!
A world of real peace is only possible in a world of free choice, free thinkers, and self-determination. So you ARE making your choices using the timelines. The limiting factor, of course, is other people and their choices. Which, again, gets into how and when the experimental timelines get woven together into the path called Real Time. The great advantage of timelines as a semiconscious game, is that we can experiment and learn without hurting others. And once we chose our best paths we can eliminate or “forget” those things that hurt us too much.
 6) What if I get stuck in a loop?
It’s worth noting:  Doing harm whether intentional or not (ie evil) as a human is very damaging to your personal power. (It’s damaging to everyone but especially dangerous as a human.) You can actually destroy any good fortune you must have accumulated in order to be born human by repeating actions and strategies that cause harm to self or others.  Let’s face it – everyone makes mistakes.  Mistakes are the proof that you are trying NEW things & NEW strategies.  BUT mistakes are your best lessons only IF you learn from them & stop doing dumb destructive stuff.  Don’t get so proud or arrogant that you can’t laugh at your own mistakes, learn from everyone you encounter, pick yourself and your bruised ego up and try something new.  And NO MATTER WHAT do NOT fall into the mentality of “but that’s what we’ve always done.”  That, my friend, is the theme song of evil.
So, if you’re stuck in a loop on the Timelines, it’s because you’ve fallen into the pattern of repeating a strategy or action that is NOT producing results to move you forward.  No matter HOW “right” it seems or how many people advise or endorse that pattern…you are proving to YOURSELF that it’s a nonsense strategy.  It will NOT ever produce the results you want.  If you stay in that loop its like beating your head against a wall..or actually like getting caught in a “hole” in whitewater rafting terms.  You can literally die being battered against those rocks.  So, stop, step out of the pattern, gather resources and come up with a new plan or strategy.  Then engrave upon your heart, mind and psyche, DO NOT TRY THAT AGAIN!  and move on.

7) I read in one of your blogs how you can sometimes see a potential train wreck coming.  I hope you would tell me to jump off the tracks if this is one of those times? Or maybe that is what you are already doing?
   I think you’re handling this very well. I don’t see any big train wrecks for you. Just my cautions about keeping “one foot on the floor” …ie making notes and talking to others to keep from losing track of what matters for day-to-day functioning. Sleep, wash self, eat, work..repeat.
8)  What are the order of levels (worlds) within each level?
Hell, Hunger, Anger, Animality, Humanity, Heaven, Learning, Realization, Bodhisattva, Enlightenment.
Each has its own set of challenges.  But the learning is key.  And the learning is different depending on which numbered Level you are in.
Hell = suffering (mostly of your own creation) Clearly, a good place to learn to STOP creating your own hell.
Hunger = desire or greed or neediness…And learning how to delay gratification and use desire to drive accomplishments.
Anger = you know…Important to avoid, but more important to process it, vent it, use it as a drive to take appropriate action.  On higher levels your anger may not be over petty annoyances, but over injustice suffered by other people.
Animality = the state in which you kiss up to folks you perceive as “more powerful” and bully those you see as “less powerful” like a dog-eat-dog world.  It’s a good place to learn about what real power is & how to handle it too.
Humanity = getting along socially with others, usually pretty easy-going.  But it’s also a great place to learn social skills as well as sort out social norms and values that don’t make sense.
Heaven = Joy…not true and lasting happiness, but the experience of joy.  How to handle winning, applause, praise & compliments…without becoming arrogant or getting blown away is learned here.
Learning = the formal act of seeking answers, better solutions, study, etc.  This level is a lot of fun.  But you won’t really anchor the learning without going to the next level…
Realization = This is where the rubber meets the road!  Where you apply your learning to your life or experiment with the things you’ve learned while creating even better strategies and processes.
Bodhisattva = Can I say the rubber and road thing again?  ok, no…this is where you really build team.  You share your learning and realization and/or help others to solve their problems based on what you’ve learned, and even help others to reach the level where you are so you can go on from here as partners or team mates!
Enlightenment = Here all the many levels of learning come together.  You and your team have time to discuss and reflect and celebrate.  From here you can move to the next set of learning (Level 2,3,4…) or you can choose to help more people in the Bodhisattva level as long as you like.  On the higher levels you can also cross into other people’s timelines from here.
8) What if I FAIL?
Actually, the Timelines are self-limiting and adapt to the learner so that you cannot really “fail” you can only get stuck until you wise up and choose to learn and move forward. Like all good games, if you screw up on one level you will drop back a level or two and have to work your way up again.  Everyone generally starts on Level One.  But you can screw it up and drop down to Kindergarten.  Each level has ten levels within it…beginning with Hell.
So, while Kindergarten Hell can suck, it’s also absurd and comical enough that you learn to laugh at your own mistakes real fast…and usually remember those lessons well.  Once, some ne’er-do-well’s created or found what they called the “back door to hell” but it turns out they were landing in Real Time in an actual place where people act like kindergarteners from Hell even though they think they’re all grown up.  People there actually justify their insane non-functional behavior by saying, “But, that’s the way we’ve always done it.” and if you point out, “And it’s NEVER worked.” they will only laugh and keep doing it the dumb way.  As you might imagine, there is a lot of drug and alcohol abuse there, a lot of crime and violence, and a lot of misery and suffering.  Sadly, you CAN actually burn out your life force and cease to exist if you stay there and embrace that way of “life”.
So, DON’T.  Learn and level up. Don’t be a dummy. That’s what the Game is for and about!

How Hypnosis Works for YOU

There are a lot of different opinions about hypnosis and how it works. I’ve even heard people say they “don’t believe” in hypnosis or they think hypnosis is somehow evil or forbidden by God. That really is a shame. Because hypnosis is really just working together with your mind to be more successful and happy in life. If God made your brain then I’m sure he or she wants you to use it to the best of your ability. Especially, if that means self control, a clear moral code and making the world a better place. Moreover, there is a good bit of evidence that the deep Unconscious in all of us actually taps into the Mind of God, or Universal Consciousness….where the best decisions are made. So how can that be bad?

Click here to see!

With 20+ years of experience and certifications from four different schools of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, including NLP, personal coaching, and counseling, as well as psychology and neurosciences, I think I can be considered something of an expert. I’d like to dispel some of the myths and explain how hypnosis really works. After-all, its NOT me, the hypnotherapist, getting control of your mind. (Believe me, I have trouble controlling my OWN mind, just like everyone else!!) The hypnotherapist is just the guide and interpreter. What its really about is YOU getting control of YOU. Or more precisely, its about YOU working together with your subconscious and unconscious minds. Forming a real TEAM (I call it Team YOU) with the parts of yourself. By clearing up communication and misunderstandings with the other-than-conscious parts of Team You, life gets easier, more fun, and more successful. If you go through life white-knuckling the ball instead of passing to your team mates, life can get more and more stressful and you feel more and more out of control. But by meeting and working with your Team, passing that ball and letting your team help you solve problems, life is good! And its getting better and better every day!!

Hypnosis is a bit mysterious to most people (even some hypnotherapists!) but I find that folks get their best results when they understand the process a bit and can work with me. 
For all that the results of hypnotherapy feel pretty magical, it is NOT magic, it is actually applied psychology. And the amazing effects are not due to ME controlling your mind, but due to the amazing power of YOUR own subconscious and unconscious mind.  So let me start there.

We have three minds but only one brain.
1) Conscious Mind – this is the part we all call “Me”.  And when you’re focused or paying attention that is conscious you.  Conscious you is the captain of Team You.  As such conscious you does the big heavy duty decision making, managing emotions, learning cultural norms and understanding values and differences.

2) Subconscious Mind – this is like your personal assistant or your best friend who always has your back and helps you out with routine tasks, practiced patterns and behaviors, multitasking and other details so that conscious YOU can relax and enjoy life more.  Your subconscious can be trained and re-trained to be more efficient and more helpful using hypnosis. 

Best Example: Of subconscious you working for conscious you is driving a car.  When we first learned to drive it was very taxing and confusing because we had to do 10-12 different tasks at once and stay alert tom many signs and signals.  It was so much at once we all felt like the hair on the back of our necks was standing up, our eyes were wide open and if someone tried to talk too much we just wanted to yell, “Shut up! I’m driving here!”  Then about 1-2 years later we found we were getting in the car, still doing 10-12 things at once, but now we were bored….so we turn on the radio…we drink a coffee or coke…talk to a passenger….god forbid we use the cell phone! 
But if you stop to think for a moment, you could sit there right where you are, listen to some music, enjoy a drink, and talk on the phone….and you’d be BUSY!  Sitting still in your chair!  So…..someone else is driving your car now.  And that someone else is Your Subconscious!

Now, the nice thing is your subconscious drives much better than you do, because your Subconscious can multitask much better.  It can handle many more tasks at once than conscious YOU.  But your Subconscious doesn’t do the value judgments and real-time decision making.  So, if something requires that kind of decision, Subconscious passes the whole ball game back to Conscious YOU.

    That’s what happens even today if a car suddenly pulls out in front of you unexpected.  Suddenly, the hair stands up on the back of your neck, your eyes go wide, you throw your coffee in the air and yell, “Shut up! I’m driving here!” …..all over again you have that feeling you had back in high school when you were first learning to drive.  The noise from the radio is just too much and you want silence.
As it turns out, that’s the way it always feels when you drive using your conscious mind.  When you drive with your Subconscious you feel like you’re “in the zone” relaxed, easy going, enjoying life.

3) Unconscious Mind – This is the part that’s well below the radar.  By definition, we are UNCONSCIOUS of most of its activities.  The Unconscious controls the beating of your heart, the rythmic action of breathing, healing and renewing every cell, system, and organ of your body.  Clearly, conscious YOU can interact with the Unconscious, by say, holding your breath.  But mostly your unconscious is like a benevolent Big Brother or Sister who takes care of the basics of living for you. 

Work WITH your Team!

Work WITH your Team!

The unconscious is also keeps all the memories.  Things you think you didn’t learn in school, past lives, details you think you’ve forgotten, its all there in the Unconscious memory stores.  And Unconscious memory is vast and unlimited.
By contrast, conscious memory is very limited.  Conscious memory is like a little table by the door.  You come home each day and you put your keys and your mail there, maybe some pocket change.  That’s what its for, conscious memory is for holding those thoughts and ideas that are most useful and relevant to NOW.  But…if you go 50-60 years without ever cleaning and sorting those things, some items are going to fall off the table and be “lost” or “forgotten”.  This is why folks think they lose their memory as they grow older.  Or have a “senior moment”.  But nothing is ever really lost or forgotten, it simply drops into the Unconscious memory stores.  So, conscious memory improves when we sort it out and choose to “forget” somethings.  The best technique is to forget all bad experiences and negative thoughts and beliefs.  By choosing to forget the negative we make more and more room for the positive.

So, when we first begin the hypnosis, I’m going to start by helping you to dump some memories and problems from your conscious mind by turning them over to the subconscious to sort.  Your subconscious will also find and create solutions for you that it will simply hand to you at a moment you least expect.  The solutions will be simpler than you ever thought possible and ready made and available at a moment’s notice, like the name of an old friend that suddenly pops into your head unexpectedly.

Before we get to that, though, I’ll ask you a series of random sounding questions.  There is no right or wrong to these questions.  This is just my way of listening to the language of your Subconscious and Unconscious.  Each person’s mind is wired a bit differently, and each person’s Other-Than-Conscious mind speaks a slightly different language.  These are like the language of dreams.  My job as guide and interpreter is to translate your instructions, goals, and needs into the language YOUR Subconscious understands best.  So just say whatever comes to mind when I ask the questions, it all helps me understand YOUR subconscious language.

The LAST thing I’ll mention is the hypnotic trance itself.  Turns out the hypnotic trance is a normal natural state that we all go into and out of throughout our day.  The most common time we enter a hypnotic trance is on the verge of deep sleep.  So if you’ve ever fallen asleep on the sofa when there are other people around, and you get to that point where your eyes are closed, you’re very relaxed, BUT you can still hear every word in the room around you?  Maybe someone talks to you or asks a question.  You can hear them perfectly, you may even have an answer ready….but you just feel like you can’t quite break out of that comfortable state to respond. 

We enter the Hypnotic Trance all the time.

We enter the Hypnotic Trance all the time.

THAT is a hypnotic trance.  Sometimes it may feel as if you’re floating or sinking deeply into the furniture.  Sometimes there’s a tingling sensation.  So that is how the hypnosis is going to feel today.  You may hear every word I say.  At times you may completely lose track of my words.  It doesn’t really matter if you stop listening, because once you reach that trance state your Subconscious and Unconscious are listening too, and that’s really who I’m talking with.  So its find to drift off, to lose track of my words, or to stop paying attention entirely.  You may even drift into a dream-like state or dip into deep sleep.  The only thing I ask you to avoid is TRYING.  Funny as it may sound, TRY is a conscious activity, and Conscious you needs to get out of the way for the hypnosis to work best.  Its kind of like when you wake up in the middle of the night and you want to go back to sleep…if you TRY really hard to sleep…why, you’ll be up all night.  But if you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and let your mind wander to some pleasant thoughts…you simply drift away.  This is how its done in hypnosis as well.  So, if you have the urge to TRY or WORK at it, just take a few deep breaths instead and listen to your breathing…or your heart beating.