How can it all be FREE?!

I try to stay a-political in these blogs but I’m crossing that line today simply because this is more of an education and human rights issue.  Its a shame that it is being so politicized, really.  So, here I am explaining to the American public how all that “FREE STUFF” Bernie Sanders talks about ACTUALLY WORKS.  I’m not going to tell you how to vote.  I’m just going to tell you that I have lived in a few different countries and a few different states and I have seen these programs working.  You don’t have to believe me.  You can look it up or you can go there yourself and see for yourself.  My point, really, is that a lot of intelligent people in the US cannot imagine that its even possible, because they’ve lived without it their whole lives.  They pay their taxes.  They DON’T want to pay more in taxes. So where would all the money come from to create this wonderful world of rainbows and unicorns that Bernie keeps talking about?

Bernie Uni

FREE MEDICAL

Let me start with universal medical care. Most developed countries have universal health care.  What it means is this, if you get sick or break a leg or get pregnant you just go to the doctor or hospital and they fix you up free of charge.  Now if you want a face lift or gastric bypass or some other elective surgery or maybe you want a fancier hospital when you give birth, well you have the option to pay for that.  Its not free.  They do a good job with the free health care.  In fact, the health  of citizens in these countries is much better than in the US.  If you do the math, a population of healthy people will produce more wealth for the country than a sick population that can’t work and needs disability insurance.  So you can subtract the cost of disability, unemployment, and sick leave when you add up the cost of “free” health care.

FREE-HEALTH

But the real savings is in lowering the expense of the health care INDUSTRY.  See, in countries where the feds foot the bill, there’s a vested interest in choosing the most efficient forms of medicine.  That means health maintenance and it means alternative medicine.  Now this is my field, so I can tell you, the reason alternative and natural medicine has not taken off in this country is NOT because it doesn’t work. Its because its not lucrative.  Sure, you can make a little money off selling herbal extracts, but you can’t patent what people can grow in their own backyards.  So you can’t hike up the price of an herb to $700 a capsule and expect people to pay.  Also if you actually CURE your patients you don’t make as much money off them because they get their lives back and they don’t need you again for awhile.  (I know this because this is what I do – I CURE “incurable” illness.  I don’t make much money but I have a long list of happy patients.)  Health care costs stay low when you use more natural medicine and less industrial medicine and pharmaceuticals.

See basically what a for-profit health care industry is good at is finding medicines and therapies that keep people sick and keep them on a daily prescription for life.  So that’s where our health care industry is right now.  You may have noticed that almost everyone you know is now on a prescription of some kind or has had surgery.  When the nurse does your intake you might notice she now says, “What medications are you taking?” rather than the old question, “Are you on any medications?” And if, like me, you say you aren’t on anything she will ask incredulously, “None?”  And you may have noticed that you spend about 10 minutes or less with the doctor, and about an hour waiting to see the doctor.  So its working.  Everyone “needs” prescriptions and surgery and regular visits and this makes lots of money for the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies.

Countries that have universal, federally funded, health care use herbal medicine, homeopathics, aromatherapy, nutrition therapy, acupuncture, and other proven natural therapies right alongside western medicine.  Why? because they work well and they cost very little.  The US health care companies don’t use these therapies and often discourage their use because its impossible for corporate execs to get rich selling them.  So if the health care industry does NOT have to make billionaires of the pharmaceutical executives OR the insurance executives, let alone pay off the stockholders in those industries, the cost of health care goes way down.  That is a huge savings!  (You can check this out by going online to order pharmaceuticals from another country.  It’s MUCH cheaper when you buy them from socialist countries. Not because their government is paying for them, but because the companies are forced to charge a fair price in those countries.)    Its not magical, its simply using the most efficient and effective cure for illness INSTEAD of using the most lucrative “band-aid” to keep patients coming back.  So, if health care is NOT a money making industry but simply a break-even industry there are lots of ways to reduce costs AND keep people healthier!

health ranking

….but get less.

Health care spending

Now we spend more…

 

FREE College

Now let’s look at “FREE” education.  Here’s the way “Free College” actually works:  There is a dollar amount cap on how much is “free” per year.  If you go to community college or state college it is free.  If you go to Harvard, you are still going to have to foot a chunk of the bill. The State of Louisiana actually HAS THIS IN EFFECT, and it has worked for years (Here’s the link:  http://www.osfa.state.la.us/schgrt6.htm ).  Of course students have to make the grade AND keep their grades up or they lose the funding.  The Louisiana program was started by one philanthropist who set up a fund that still works pretty well today.  So it doesn’t necessarily have to be supported by tax dollars, it can be run from a one time investment.  You could also check out how it works in most European countries.  They may have even better systems. 

funny-free-college-countries-USA

When colleges are no longer just another way to make big bucks, they begin to focus on outcome & actually educate kids in practical ways. They also focus more on actual qualifications for incoming students when its no longer a competition for who’s Daddy can donate a new wing on the student union, or what students can win money for the college through big money sports.  You can also subtract some of the cost of unemployment, food stamps, the prison and police systems from the overall cost of “Free” college.  This is because young people with job skills, entrepreneurial skills, and life skills are MUCH less likely to end up dealing drugs, using drugs, getting fired a lot and generally being poor.  Desperate people do desperate things, you see?  But people with college education don’t get quite so desperate.  They tend to get busy inventing a new industries or branching out with new skills when they meet a challenge.

green-energy

FREE Energy

What about renewable energy sources?  That’s expensive, right?  Well, no.  Firstly, that pays for itself over time because its ACTUALLY FREE ENERGY once you get the solar panels or windmills set up.  The investment costs for solar panels and windmills are pretty reasonable and will also go down as they become more popular and R&D is put to work.  Last I checked it costs about $20K in set up costs to power a three bedroom house with a sunny roof.  If you take a look at the numbers you’ll find that people who put solar panels on their houses usually end up paying some piddling amount like $10 a month for electricity, which is pretty nice!

Secondly, you can subtract the cost of all the wars in the Middle East (which is about $3 million a day now) from your start up costs on renewable energy.  Because our government is waging those wars to keep down the cost of petroleum, which is only actually abundant in the Middle East these days.  So, that’s a HUGE savings right there!  To say nothing of the cost in human lives.

I recently bought a used hybrid car for $2000.  It costs me about $15 per week in gas, or $100 in gas to drive the 4 hour trip to get my kid to college (and back).  And that’s a 2003.  I’m sure I’d save even more with the newer hybrids.   So, even if the cost of gas goes back up to $6/gallon when we bring the troops home from Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, and so on, I’ll still be ok for gas money, you see?  And so will you once you go hybrid.  Or you can go electric, plug it into the solar panels on your house, spend $0 on gas and even pocket that $35 you would pay for an oil change every three months. (Electric cars don’t need oil)

Electric car in solar garage

Electric car in a solar garage = $0

Business Freedom

Now let me say a word about the business of America: Business.  Won’t all this socialism hurt American business?  Actually, no.  It will HELP American business tremendously!                                                                                               (See, this is actually a failing of the US education system.  If you didn’t study world governments in college you probably have no idea how different Socialism and Communism are.  You may even think that Socialism and Democracy are two opposing systems.  But Democracy is government by the ordinary people of that country, while Socialism, Capitalism, and Communism are ECONOMIC plans, not forms of government.  Communism is the one in which the government owns businesses.  Capitalism is the one that allows monopolies to actually own the government.)

In socialism the government regulates community resources that are shared or needed by all, like roads, health care, education, fire departments, and so on.  It also limits private industry so that monopolies cannot be formed.  If monopolies can form and grow, they can come to control the whole industry or even the government.  Then small businesses cannot survive.  They get crushed by the monopolies.  You also end up with industries that are “Too big to fail” so they can run wild & spend irresponsibly and the people have to bail them out or the whole country’s economy will collapse.  And if the monopolies get big enough, wealthy enough, and powerful enough, they can pressure government officials & pull strings until its no longer a government by the people, its a government owned by a few captains of industry.

But in a socialist economy, monopolies are limited.  If a company gets too big, it has to be broken up and sold off.  Often, company growth is capped so that once it grows past a certain point it is sold off to the employees in the company itself.  So instead of becoming a big monopoly, it becomes a small democracy.  The employees of the corporation gradually come to own and run the company themselves.

Monopolies crush competetion

Monopolies crush competition

So contrary to what most Americans think a fully socialist society will NOT crush competition, it actually increases real competition.  It will NOT limit variety and choices but increase them.  It doesn’t cost MORE, it actually costs much less.  The main reason you don’t know this or can’t quite believe it is because the news media in this great country of ours is ALL controlled by about four family corporations.  (Except for NPR.) Your education was also influenced by a few powerful corporations that dominate the textbook industry.  Also federal, state, and even city governments in our country are largely controlled by a few powerful corporations and capitalists.   So, it simply wouldn’t make sense for the owners of those lucrative corporations to tell you that you would be happier if you stopped them from controlling your life and paying you slave wages to fall in line and follow the crowds.

media-ownership

On the other hand, no one is paying me to blog or explain all this.  It’s also FREE!  So, I don’t mind telling you that if you really want to make America great again?  Make it a democracy again.  Stop paying a few greedy folks at the top of the money pile to tell you how to think.  Maybe you can even re-post this article on your own site, or page.  That’s free too and it could help We, the people, understand what’s really going on.

The Bern

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True

What if humans were more like the animals and insects? What if, for example, when we became bored we automatically began to make a high pitched droning sound like a cicada? It would be a game changer. Instead of pretending rapt interest in lectures that have continued too long or failed to actually inform or excite, we would be obliged by polite dignity to excuse ourselves and quietly leave the auditorium before we began to distract the others. The pompous lecturer would be left to face the empty seats of his own humility, and to reorganize his thoughts into words that better touch and inspire the listeners.

cicada

Click here for sound sample

Schools would become such a wild cacophony of squealing drones by lunchtime that students would have to be sent home early. Teachers, unable to hear themselves over the high pitched symphonies winding into frantic fervor, would have to forever abandon their forced memorization and superficial covering of topics for tests in favor of actual teaching. The neuroatypical students could no longer be marginalized, ignored, or labeled as poor learners. Their daily droning would teach us once and for all that their problem was not slow learning, but learning that was too fast, too thorough, and too far-reaching for traditional methods of spoon feeding disparate factoids. We would be forced to let them learn from experiential activities and then teach us. There would remain no doubt, no delusion about exactly who was failing whom.

What if your friends and lovers could no longer pretend to be engaged in your self-absorbed monologues? What if your children could no longer be expected to sit quietly through Grandpa’s inane diatribe or Grandma’s lecture on proper manners? We would be forced to become as interested in the lives and thoughts of others as we are in ourselves. There would be no more protracted and jealous divorce battles. We would have been driven from the home holding our ears during the first few days when we began to stifle our partners mind and spirit. Selecting a partner would become much easier, though. They would be the ones still listening when all the others had drifted away amid stifled squeaks.

angry ears

angry ears

And what if we had ears like cats or like the beautiful blue Navi from Avatar? If we walked into work in the morning with our ears laid back, people would know to stay away from us until we were over the strain of our commute. There would be no more brown nosing the boss for a promotion. The flex and tilt of our ears would give away our true feelings. Maybe bosses would even be obliged to become honestly engaged with their team rather than little dictators giving the hard work to others and stealing the credit for themselves.

Maybe we wouldn’t be able to go around grouchy all week snapping at others and blaming them for our foul moods if everyone could see that we arrived in a foul mood and simply nursed it for days. Seeing ourselves in the mirror might be enough to make us pull on the big boy or big girl pants and get over our bad selves. Maybe we couldn’t ignore our friends who had spent days or weeks with their ears drooping in depression. We might find a way to reach out to them and help.

depression cat

depression cat

Or if we could wag our tails like dogs when friends and loved ones came home. Flick the tips of our tails testily like cats before we lost our tempers. Purr when petted or given affection. Hiss our displeasure at annoyances. Maybe then our lives wouldn’t be built on fake relationships. Maybe our blood pressure wouldn’t soar, our arteries wouldn’t clog, and our bowels wouldn’t back up in our 40’s. Maybe it would be easier to focus on how much wagging or purring we had in or lives each day than how much bulged in our bank accounts. If healthy happy children wagged and yipped and gamboled playfully when their parents came home, perhaps abusive parenting would cease to be hidden. Then, perhaps, it could cease to exist.

happy wags

happy wags

Or maybe, just maybe, we could use our words. Since spoken words are what set us apart from other animals in our kingdom, maybe our words could be used to express our true emotions. Maybe we could allow people to speak their feelings freely and hiding true feelings behind false smiles could be called rude and thoughtless, instead of polite. Maybe children could be congratulated for identifying and giving voice to their true feelings. Maybe when people got angry they could just shout, “I’m angry at you!” and we could acknowledge their right to feel, and give them space until they were ready to solve the conflict. Maybe we wouldn’t follow false leaders into false wars if we all had a solid grip on how we really felt, and we weren’t afraid to say so. Maybe if we simply said what we felt to be true and refrained from saying what we didn’t honestly feel, maybe there would be a lot less confusion, coercion, and conflict. Maybe our true hearts and minds are a better guideline than all the intricacies of manners and polite society. Maybe its enough to be true to ourselves.

Make purrs, not war.

Make purrs, not war.

What We Think…We Feel

Here in the wake of so many thoughts and feelings about Caitlyn Jenner when so many of us are having bold new thoughts about the way we feel or daring to feel new things about the way we think, I’d like to revisit some of my feelings and thoughts about Manthink and Womanthink.  I’ve mentioned before the need for a Man’s Liberation Revolution, and  if I could be the one to start it I think I would start with this:  Let’s teach our men and boys to separate thoughts from feelings.  Let’s stop dictating to our boys what and how they should feel and simply honor their authentic feelings.  Let’s stop dragging their hearts around.

Click Here for theme song.

Click Here for theme song. https://youtu.be/5O0Enwg8E3o

My daughter, home from her first year of college, asked me about a friend of her’s the same age who is already looking forward to marrying and settling down. Why would a guy want that so early?

The answer is  that lots of men confuse a Wife with a Life.  (And not all of them young men, either) Many men somehow grow up thinking that once they can claim someone as “My Wife” she will take charge, build and operate a life – that he can then look to with pride as his Own Life.

This tempting illusion is made worse by the fact that men have a sex drive that simply comes on like clockwork at regular intervals.  They mistakenly assume that a woman’s sex drive simply goes “On” at regular intervals too.  So, marriage to My Wife means that she will want to have sex with him regularly.

Anyone can see how enticing it would be for a man to lasso a gal into marriage.  Once he has someone to call My Wife, he supposes she will build and maintain A Life that he can be part of without any additional effort.  She will seek him out for sex without him having to work at seduction.  He can put his feet up and coast from there on out! What a huge disappointment The Life with The Wife will turn out to be when he is rudely awakened from this mythological fantasy.

Men in Western society have had a nasty trick played on them since birth that teaches them that their feelings are not valid.  Boys often get punished for expressing genuine feelings.  Then they are told in clear, black and white terms what they SHOULD feel in given situations.  When they go to school or join sports teams, their peers reinforce these unrealistic standards, punishing boys for showing honest feelings and rewarding them for faking other feelings.  Its no wonder they should want to have this magical creature called a Wife who will simply take over all the sticky situations that call for negotiating feelings and just let them avoid feelings altogether.

But such a creature doesn’t exist.  Men usually find this out the hard way.  They think they have WON the game when they’ve made some lady The Wife.  Then they wake up to find they only signed up for a new JOB.  There is no magical sex at regular intervals, sex has to be earned daily.  That ‘take charge attitude’ they thought would mean she could organize all the messy parts of life?  Its now pointed at taking charge of him and everything he does.  And that lovely construct they called My Life?  Evaporates when The Wife files for divorce, leaves, and takes the whole Life with her.

marriage

The sad part of this myth is that if you do what ‘they’ say you must and feel what ‘they’ say you should to win? Everyone loses.  Men don’t get what they’re after and neither do the women.  But you know what’s even sadder?  Real happiness is actually much, much easier.  And everyone wins.

For example, when a woman says she wants her man to “take care of her” the Good Husband is trained to think he has to work himself to death making lots of money to fulfil her every whim.  But what she really means is she wants him to stand up for her feelings and her support her dreams.  That’s a lot more fun, too.  Real women who really love YOU want to contribute equally as a team player.  She doesn’t want to have to sell her soul to an awful boss to keep her children fed, but she does want to contribute.  Acknowledging her skills and strengths and calculating a tangible value for what she does within the home as well as out is one step in that team oriented direction.

Let's get REAL!

Let’s get REAL!

When she thinks, “take care of me” she doesn’t mean you starting a fight when someone insults or demeans her.  It means you putting your arm around her on the spot and saying, “You don’t have to take this, let’s go!”  It means you ASKING her about her dreams and goals, and making it your goal to help her realize them.  Honestly, when women say “take care of me” they really want to be protected and cared for emotionally.   Haven’t you seen all the movies where the man becomes “married to his job” and ends up alone?  Money is only a small part of security, and it’s a part that can and should be open to negotiations.

Here’s another common misunderstanding.  When a woman says she needs to be able to trust, men usually think that means sharing a Facebook page or email passwords.  Such a recipe for misunderstanding and lack of privacy is a disaster waiting to happen.  But when men hear “I can’t trust you” they think of sexual infidelity.  They think trust is about who you’re having sex with.  But what a real woman means is she needs to be able to depend on you saying what you mean and meaning what you say.   If you are stretching the truth, or making promises you don’t back up with action, there can be no trust.  If you are saying what you mean and backing it up, she can extrapolate the data for herself and KNOW whether you are emotionally and sexually her’s…or not.

I’ve known plenty of people who have ruined the best relationship of their life because they were determined to FEEL what some cultural conditioning  said they SHOULD feel.  It usually starts with something that goes, “I have a right to feel__________!” or “Anyone in my situation would feel ________.”  Then you ask a dozen friends and strangers how they would feel “if…”  Usually the individual goes on to ruin his relationship with feelings of jealousy, hurt, anger, rejection – or any number of publicly condoned feelings that spell a death sentence to REAL trust or REAL intimacy.

Real intimacy is built ONLY of real feelings.  Real trust is only ever founded on real actions, backed up by real words and truths.  If men get their real feelings beaten out of them and instead accept false feelings, they have absolutely no possibility of ever having real intimacy, or real marriage, or a real life.  If women let it happen they will have absolutely no possibility of ever finding real trust, real love or a real man.  Begin to be your authentic self.  Begin to accept authenticity, and ONLY authenticity in others.  (Including the children!)  Your world will be a better place.

real2

 

Here’s an exercise in personal authenticity:

Set aside all the things your parents, your peers, your culture, and your society says you “should” feel.  What’s left?  That is what you honestly feel.  If there is nothing left?  CHOOSE to feel what is most beneficial all round.

Example: Your partner has an affair.  You “SHOULD” feel: anger, jealousy, eternal mistrust, pain.  You might then spend the rest of your life seeking vengeance, holding a grudge or extracting a price, or nursing your wounds.  This is what ‘they’ approve and condone.  Let me know when that starts to sound like fun or happiness, k?

OR you could set all that aside and see what you really feel.  You may find that your only authentic feelings are those of loneliness.  Then you can take action to solve whatever lack of real intimacy led your partner to seek out someone else.  This is what couples counseling is for.  Or you may find you actually feel glad.  Perhaps the lack of intimacy goes too deep and you actually want to find someone you can build real trust with.  You may even be happy that your partner found someone else.  Or maybe if you’re really honest you may find a 3-way marriage actually feels more fulfilling, who knows?

If you have felt what “they” said you “should” for so long that you cannot actually identify your true feelings?  Don’t worry.   Mastering the human emotional experience is THE major challenge of life.  You can actually choose to feel what serves you best.

For example, after my divorce, my Ex would often come to my house to talk and vent about his day.  Frequently, he would get around to blaming all his present problems on me.  I knew “anyone” would feel resentment.  I knew “they” would condone my anger.   But I decided to ask myself one simple question, “What good will it do you to argue with this man, in front of his children?”  I realized no good could come of it.  So I chose to feel compassion and pity.  Obviously, he had no one else to vent his day to (compassion) and lacked the sound reasoning ability to find the true cause of his problems (pity).  I found that simply letting him vent without feedback from me meant he would leave sooner.  That was the action that served me best, so that is what I chose to feel.

If Caitlyn Jenner had not been badgered into feeling a bunch of SHOULDS as a “He” she might have transitioned earlier.   I wholeheartedly applaud Caitlyn Jenner and all her family, friends and loved ones.  Most trans and non-binary people will never have the means to transform our physical form to match who we authentically are inside.  But all of us can begin to feel our own authentic feelings and think our own unique thoughts.  And we can stop pretending to feel and forcing others to feel,  what we never really felt in the first place.  Maybe we won’t even want to change our bodies if we can reclaim our hearts and our minds.

Be REAL. Be a champion.

Be REAL. Be a champion.

Ebola – Why You Should Do Something and How You Can

Its hard to know what to believe about Ebola, isn’t it?  There are lots of scholarly looking articles telling us why we should NOT worry about Ebola and just go about life as usual.   In some circles Ebola jokes have already begun.  In others they’re busy blaming the victims themselves. Some people are already panicking.  One thing is clear though, exactly NONE of these actions will protect any one of us from epidemic diseases like Ebola.  NONE will keep Ebola from becoming an epidemic here in the U.S.  And NONE will prepare us for the next potential, and yes, likely epidemic disease.  There is, however, clear action YOU, an individual can take to protect and prepare yourself and others from Ebola & other deadly diseases.  And guess what? It does NOT involve hiding from, running from, or avoiding viruses, bacteria, or other things we can’t see.

The truth is, Ebola should not be a threat to American citizens, right?  (READ:  I’m a Hazmat-Trained Hospital Worker:  Here’s What No One Is Telling You About Ebola   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/abby-norman/im-a-hazmat-trained-hospi_b_5998486.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592 )  We have clean water. We have information. We have a complex, technological and expensive health care system.  We have the means to educate ourselves. We practice proper hand-washing procedures. We have hazmat suits.  And we certainly have the money to keep Ebola at bay.

The BAD News

What we don’t have is:

  • good communication
  • a health care system that values preventative care
  • an equal playing field between nurses and physicians and allied health professionals and patients
  • a culture of health where we work with one another
  • the social culture of transparency
  • a stopgap against mounting hysteria and hypochondria
  • a nation of health literate individuals
  • We don’t even have health-literate professionals. (Most doctors are specialists and are well versed only in their field. Ask your orthopedist a general question about your health — see if they can comfortably answer it.)
  • We don’t have a cure – Or reason to expect one soon   (Read: Economics of Ebola  http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/ebolanomics )

We do, quite unfortunately, have flu season upon us-a time of year when we are normally braced for winter diseases, colds, flus, sick days and cancelled plans that could weaken our immunity and our systems.  What we do have is a health care system that is dysfunctional and in crisis.  We have already seen how easily the disease can spread to our shores and among our well-trained, well-protected top-notch health care workers.  What we do have is a series of wars in the Middle East that will encourage people escaping the disease to favor running to the West.  What we also have is a public who has become so used to “epidemic” scares that we feel immune, if not downright immortal.

 

Ready for The Good News?

YOU can do something – right NOW!  Download the infographic below, read it, follow it, pass it around.  Then Follow my blog here:  https://clearmirrorhealing.wordpress.com   (psst: You’re already here! “Follow” at the top of the page.)

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You can also come for an appointment here:    www.clearmirrorhealing.com

DON’T WORRY, DON’T PANIC, DO TAKE ACTION…… More Good News to come, folks!  

How to Build an Ebola Ready Immunity

How to Build an Ebola Ready Immunity

 

 

Making Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick

Happy New Year!

new year

The new year is a great time to set new goals and achieve new levels of health and wellness.  The big joke this time of year is how many people make a resolution that only lasts about a week.  Well, this is the year you can change all that!  Its true, habits and patterns are difficult to break by their very nature.  But its NOT because you are bad, wrong, or broken!  It’s only because we rely on our patterns and habits to get us through busy days.  The more complicated our lives become the more we must depend on our “auto pilot” mechanisms.

As a hypnotherapist with certifications in 4 different schools of hypnosis and therapy, I have realized that hypnosis is much much more than “tricks” to control the subconscious.  Hypnotherapy is applied psychology.  It is a method for understanding how the mind learns and applying the quickest, most lasting methods for learning new patterns and habits.  As a matter of fact there is no “controlling” the subconscious or unconscious mind, there are only best methods for communicating our needs and desires to what is essentially a second mind.

Your subconscious IS YOU!  As they say, two heads are always better than one.  This is only too true!  The other-than-conscious parts of your mind genuinely want YOUR best happiness and success.  In fact, they are working for you every day making your life easier.  One of the ways they make your life easier is to memorize your patterns and routines and run them for you like an autopilot so you don’t have to think so hard about the ordinary tasks of life.

Student Driving

Student Driving

One great example of your subconscious working for you is driving.  When we first learned to drive it was nearly overwhelming.  We had to remember which foot goes where, how to work the shift and when, keep our hands at 6 and 9, our eyes on the road and simultaneously on the rear and side view mirrors, all while scanning ahead, reading signs, monitoring our speed, and checking for dangers all at once.  No wonder we felt like shouting, “Shut up, I’m driving!” whenever anyone tried to talk to us.  Now, though, we get in the car and do all that and we feel…bored!  We turn on the radio, drink a cup of Joe, or (God forbid!) talk on the cell phone just to keep from falling asleep.

How can we do ALL of that?  Well, we can’t!  It is our subconscious mind that is driving the car for us.  Most people can recall a time when we got in the car at the end of a long day’s work and then found ourselves pulling into the driveway at home without any awareness of how we got there.  I’ve even heard stories of people who found themselves pulling up to the house they USED to live in after an autopilot drive like that.  Your subconscious has learned not only how to drive but also the route home!

That is a great example of how your subconscious mind works hard so you don’t have to.  It never gets easier to do the 10 tasks at once that driving a vehicle requires of us.  It only SEEMS easier because our best buddy, the subconscious, takes over the job for us as much as possible.  Whenever something new or different demands our conscious engagement the whole task is tossed back to the conscious mind.  So if a car suddenly pulls out in front of us, our conscious mind must engage.  Suddenly, we drop the cell phone, throw that coffee in the air and yell, “SHUT UP! IM DRIVING!” all over again.  See?  Its not easier, its just that our old reliable subconscious is hard at work so we can better contemplate the joys of life.

sleepwalking thru life

sleepwalking thru life

Now that you can appreciate what your subconscious does for you, maybe you’re beginning to like the idea of forming a REAL partnership with your “other self”?  Maybe you can also better appreciate how many tasks your subconscious takes over for you (You know you’re still asleep in the shower each morning.  Who do you THINK does the scrubbing and shaving for you?) and how easy it is to misunderstand WHICH habits you have decided to drop and WHICH you want to reinforce?  Those old “bad” habits that tend to repeat themselves are just like driving up to the house you moved out of months ago.  You’re subconscious is not sabotaging you, it has simply learned its job too well.  Now, that’s where hypnosis comes in.

Hypnosis is the easiest way to communicate clearly to the subconscious exactly what patterns should be changed and which should be repeated.  Otherwise, it gets confused.  Of course, the subconscious in all of us speaks a different language than the conscious mind and everyone’s subconscious language is unique.  A qualified hypnotherapist will need to be a good interpreter to custom translate your goals into the language your subconscious understands well.  A few sessions for fine tuning, and those old nasty habits are gone for good.

And its easy!  And its fun!  And all you really have to do is relax and let your subconscious mind do what it does best!  You can simply be the beneficiary of your ‘partner’ (subconscious You)’s  hard work and tenacity!  There’s no reason you cannot make your resolutions REAL lasting changes that make life better and happier.  And if you’re having trouble thinking of new patterns to replace the old ones – your subconscious is great at THAT job too! That’s what its there for.  Isn’t it time you took a load off and let someone else do the hard work for you?  Wouldn’t it be great if you had a partner to help you through all the tough parts of life?  And wouldn’t it be lovely if that partner was YOU and was as easily accessible as the air that you breathe?  Hypnotherapy makes all that real, tangible, and fun.

Get 'er done & have FUN!

Get ‘er done & have FUN!

 

 

Relationships and Money

Statistics show that one of the biggest sources of argument as well as actual causes of BREAK-UPs is money.  Those are sad and difficult stats especially when they impact the relationship that is the source of the greatest love, stability and happiness in our lives.  Happily, it doesn’t have to be that way.  But it DOES require flexibility, communication, and that one most challenging task facing each of us: self-examination and change.

Money Fights are avoidable!

Money Fights are avoidable!

The good news in this blog is that I have accumulated some tools to make all that easier.  As a hypnotherapist, my JOB is to find the simplest easiest path to success for my clients.  The years of research I have put into understanding relationships has given me a lot of overview and understanding.  And the years I have put into my own business and money education following my divorce has equip me with tools for speaking simply about that complex and taboo topic.

First the plain truth: Money is NOT REAL.  I know, I know, tell that to your bills and creditors, right?  It feels foolish to believe that money is the dream and emotions are the reality but this is one of the simple truths that will set you free.  All the books I’ve read by self-made millionaires say the same basic thing.  The more you think of money as a solid tangible reality, the more money OWNS YOU and the less your chances of ever owning it.  Money is a philosophy. Our challenge is to create the financial philosophy that works FOR us, so we can stop working ourselves into a frenzy FOR IT – and YES! even stop WORKING for money!

Love & Money ARE compatable

Love & Money ARE compatible

So the big problem in love relationships is that two well-meaning people with two equally weird, equally convoluted but often dramatically different money philosophies get bound together in a household.  Sometimes they get bound together in a legal, social, and essentially financial agreement called marriage.  Most often these two dear people get shackled together with no decent vocabulary for describing their financial beliefs let alone the ability to recognize their personal beliefs as completely made up.  Then we add to the basic problem with taboos about discussing money, additional financial burdens called “our beloved children”, and herds of crazy mischief makers called “family” “friends” and “business partners”.  Now, just TRY to untangle that knot!

So my best advice to anyone interested is a love relationship is this: talk honestly about money EARLY and OFTEN.  If your beloved can’t take the heat, it really is best that they cut themselves loose before it goes to a whole new level of crazy.  My best advice to those of us already in relationships is this: figure out your own philosophy and sort out your own crazy but do it TOGETHER with your partner.  This advice is primarily to break down our fears about money as a team. It also has an important function in reassuring your partner that YOU are at least as crazy and self-sabotaging with your money as they are.  Believe me, convincing your partner you are better and smarter about money than they are will NOT pay off.  Winning this game is about forming a good team, friends, not a good ego.

To begin to understand the true UN-reality of money consider the humble hot dog.  You may feel highly practical when you wait for the packet of hot dogs in your grocery store to drop to $3.50/8 before buying.  Then you go to a drive through or mini-mart and buy a ready made hot dog for $1.50 and still think you got a bargain (that’s $12/pack of 8).  Then you kick back at a sporting event or movie and willingly shell out $5.00 for that same tasty dog (totaling $40/pack).  Who’s the genius now?

Maybe you strictly indulge in that supermarket dog at $0.44 each.  Maybe you like your coffee? You can scrimp on the $7.00 can of pre-ground for three weeks of morning Joe in your drip coffeemaker.  You can indulge in a $14 lb bag of quality beans in that same drip machine. You can get the $200 single shot machine and the $5/box of 12 cup cartridges. You can beam with frugal pride as you serve yourself a morning cup at $1.85 at your corner quickie mart. Or you can say you prefer quality and get a barista crafted cup for $2-$5 per day.  My point is not to make you live life as a painful austerity but to bring to your conscious awareness that we live in a world that rationalizes a cup-o-joe ranging from about $0.15 a cup to $5 an cup and everything in between and we still think its “just coffee”.

What, I ask you is the TRUE VALUE of a coffee? A grilled sausage on a bun? No one knows.  The value is assigned by each individual at each moment.  Such is the logic of money.  If you want to better understand money as fantasy, I suggest you take a trip through a few countries.  Take your $1 bill to the UK and you only have 50cents at best.  Take it to Kenya and you suddenly have $80! I visited the war torn country of Uganda in the 90’s and the money was so devalued that coins were mere paperweights, bills filled briefcases at simple business lunches, and bankers brought out actual bales of cash to start the day.  While I was in Italy the lira had 2 tens places shaved off the end overnight.  I’m still not sure if I paid $1.50 for my New Years Eve meal or $150!!

So when you sit down as a team and discuss your money philosophy you are actually talking about your values.  Money is value that we arbitrarily place on our time, our self-worth, our needs and our pain.  It is not tangible.  It is not power.  It does not solve problems.  Our relationship problems are solved by communication, compassion, love, logic, courage and forgiveness.  Our money problems are solved  by the same means.

There is no "I" in team

There is no “I” in team

When you work with your partner to build a team money philosophy, please keep in mind that you can and will make your philosophy a “reality” in your life.  Since you do have the choice, please choose to believe in a philosophy that empowers and liberates you both.  The following are a few topics you can discuss together.  Most of these discussions will serve to unearth the stones of crazy-money-think you inherited from your families of origin and social class(es).  Then, together, find agreement on a team view that brings you both peace and happiness and supports your lives together.

1. What do you value most in life? What do you put most of your money into? (These will probably be different. Relax. Now you can change your reality.)

2. When and how do you reward yourself? (Some people reward themselves after a hard day with a sweet indulgence. If your boss only uses a stick, you are right to give yourself a carrot at times. We all do it. Face up to it and you can begin to master it. Imelda Marcos liked shoes, neither you nor your partner is that bad, ok?)

3. What is more valuable than your health? Your children? Your relationship? (Put your real values in their proper order and you can begin to give your money REAL value.  Don’t scrimp on your children’s health or safety and pretend that you are being practical or “realistic”, please.  Don’t think for a moment that you can’t afford a weekly date night if you cannot afford a divorce.)

4. Your home is not an investment. Your car, stereo, clothes, jewelry are not investments.  Where are you invested?  Make it so.

5. Suppose for a lark that society as we know it collapses in the next 5-10 years and money loses ALL its apparent value.  What skills and abilities do you and your partner have that can be traded for food, health, and housing should this happen?  What about your kids?  (And, no, gold will only have value as dental fillings. Invest in real life skills and you will always be wealthy.)

Lastly, let me point out some hard truths that will make a lot of people mad.  Team will never equal one person makes the money and one spends it.  Receiving the paycheck in your name does NOT mean you own the partner who does the work that doesn’t net a paycheck.  Joint bank accounts do not build team, more often they build resentment.  Do the budgeting together and keep the accounts separate.  Ladies who don’t earn a paycheck, realize whether you like it or not that “escorts” have netted around $500/hour for their TIME (not “sex” as such).  YOU have a value just by making a house a home and being pleasant company.  DO NOT devalue yourself or let anyone do for to you.  I fondly await your angry rebuttals.

P.S. Teach your kids smart money skills – they will learn faster than you and re-teach you when you need it!!

Kids are worth it!

Kids are a GREAT investment! Teach them.

I highly recommend the following books and resources to break your ties to the crazy money philosophies we were raised on:

Rich Dad Poor Dad -by Robert Kiyosaki

The Millionaire Mind – by Thomas J Stanley

The Eight Habit – by Stephen Covey

How to Win Friends and Influence People -by Dale Carnagie

Think and Grow Rich -by  Napoleon Hill

The Instant Millionaire – by Mark Fisher

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office – by Lois P. Frankel, PhD

The Courage to Be Rich – by Suze Ormand

Anything at all by Daisaku Ikeda

Sharebuilder.com (an online resource for educating yourself and buying FOR YOURSELF stock investments)